Due to some arcane rule whose justification is only known to some bureaucrat in Bangkok, when crossing into Thailand via land, you are only issued a 15 day visa. A woefully inadequate time to explore Thailand.
So, I was introduced to the wonderful world of the visa-run. A practice known to expats the world over, a visa-run can be defined as an exit and re-entry of a country for the sole purpose of extending one’s visa. The most convenient visa-run for Southern Thailand is to dip into Myanmar. Yep, Myanmar.
However, like all things in Thailand, the Myanmar visa run is a well-oiled affair, with touts gleefully lining up for your business at every step of the way. So off I went to Ranong, the Thai border town and entry point to Kawthaung, Myanmar, previously known as Victoria Point back when the country was called Burma.
The process is relatively simple. Get to Ranong. Get your Thai stamps and find a longboat to Myanmar. Get your Burmese entry and exit stamps and take the boat back to Thailand. And voila! An extra 15 days in Thailand. The only somewhat notable obstacle is obtaining a crisp 10 dollar US note to pay the junta for the pleasure of visiting their crap town. It has to be absolutely flawless too, otherwise the Burmese authorities won’t accept it. Unfortunately I had forgot about this requirement before I left for Ranong.
Stepping off the songthaew (public transportation in Thailand often consists of these vehicles, which are simply pickup trucks fitted with two rows of seats in the bed), I entered the pier area and was immediately greeted with the horrible stench of the languid water festering around the immigration checkpoint. The place was mainly full of Burmese citizens hoping to get their visa extended and touts trying to gain your fare across the Myan river. Foreign tourists were somewhat scarce at this time of year.
Immediately one tout latched onto me, offering to boat me across to Myanmar after getting my Thai exit stamps. He initially quoted me a highly inflated price. He was joined by a companion offering to exchange 500 bahts for 10 dollars US. A laughably horrible exchange rate. Not getting anywhere with the boat pilot, I walked off and approached some other boatmen. But anytime I talked to one, the original dude would scream something Thai to them, scaring the buggers off. I imagine it went something like this, “This stupid foreigner is mine! I’m about to seriously rip him off, and so help me Buddha if you stop me from pulling this off I can’t be held responsible for the consequences!”
Regardless, I managed to knock 100 baht off the combined price of both the boat ride and dollars, but still came away with the sick knowledge that I was totally being ripped off. The only consolation was the hope that some other hapless foreigner got it worse than me.
Along the way to Myanmar, we stopped at another Thai checkpoint along the riverbank for some unknown reason. Made of rotting wood, the building leaned at a disturbing angle. The authorities staffing the place seemed incredibly relaxed about the whole process, making it seem like their job was for appearances only.
After a 30 minute river ride in the blistering heat, the boat arrived at the first Burmese checkpoint. Another rotting river building, this time it was staffed by three dudes in white wifebeaters, two of whom were napping in plain view on the balcony.
Once we finally arrived in Kawthaung proper, we had to file off the longboat onto a crumbling pier whose steps had long ago rotted away. There to greet us was a group of young Burmese men, hoping to get some money from any foreigners coming off the boat. I was offered cheap booze, cigarettes, Viagra, and many varieties of drugs. I guess enough tourists must buy drugs from Myanmar to bring back to Thailand in order for these guys to bother offering it, but I can’t imagine anyone doing it. If there’s one thing that screams stupid, it’s buying drugs on a visa run and bringing them back to a country that promises you a life of rotting hell if caught.
Despite some of their sordid wares, these touts were damn good at their job and possessed a certain charm. They were also nobody’s fool. Able to immediately recognize nationalities based on passport booklets, one of them asked me about hockey. Seriously, no-one in SE Asia thinks about hockey, but these guys from backwater Myanmar knew about it. A Swiss woman also on my boat was asked whether she was Swiss French or German. Then the tout spoke some basic French to her. I admit, I was impressed. This is a level of knowledge barely seen in Canada.
I opted not to buy anything, not even the (legal) booze, as I didn’t want to lug around an extra kilogram of weight. So politely brushing off my new friends, I proceeded to the Burmese immigration. The station was staffed by an adult male and what looked like a teenage kid, both clad in white wifebeaters and sitting on lawnchairs. The process was straightforward, and very soon I was back on the boat on the way back to Thailand.
Along the way, we were stopped at the Thai customs checkpoint. There, an armed Thai soldier wearing black skate shoes boarded our boat, and performed the most perfunctory of searches. Seeing my giant bag, he indicated he wanted to search it. I had to show him how to open the bag, and where the compartments were located, as he had no idea. His method of search consisted of simply glancing into a pocket, brushing his hand over the first item in view, and never bothering with looking underneath or moving anything around. I could have hid Whitney Houston’s entire cocaine supply in my bag and made it through that search.
And that was that. The boat docked at the stinky Thai pier once more, and now I have 15 more days in Thailand to look forward to. I guess it was interesting, but honestly, I would have much preferred not to waste a day riding on a hot boat and I was not happy at giving the Burmese junta any money. But I blame the Thai authorities. Just give us a 30 day visa next time! Please?
The stinky pier in Ranong. Finding a boat driver who wouldn't rip you off too badly was a challenge.
The longboat ride to Myanmar, which can be seen in the distance.
Disembarking from Myanmar.
Burmese men loading supplies from a boat onto this building.
Burmese river checkpoint. These guys yelled at me for taking this picture.
