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After our outstanding introduction to Thailand, Jon and I decided to depart Krabi for Phuket. We did so with trepidation, as Phuket is Thailand’s number one tourist destination. Every day legions of vacationers fly direct from Europe to Phuket for a one or two-week stay, then hop back home. For many Phuket is all they see of Thailand.

The night before leaving for Phuket, we celebrated the Thai new year, so neither of us was particulary equipped to deal with early morning travel. After dragging our sorry sacks out of bed both of us were hoping to relax and snooze on the bus ride over.

When the bus pulled into the station, all the Thais stampeded onto the bus, leaving Jon and I somewhat bewildered. We soon were enlightened. As is common with local transportation here, the bus was overbooked, consigning an unlucky few to a standing trip, us included. Jon soon found a perch on the bus stairwell, but I wasn’t so lucky. After three hours of standing, a very nice Thai lady graciously offered the edge of her seat for my grateful behind. Unfortunately, only my left cheek was on the seat, forcing the muscle to sleep. The rest of me soon nodded off too, only snorting awake in a startled state after I had unwittingly slammed my forehead into the Thai lady’s back.

But we arrived in one piece, ready to tackle Phuket Island (a peninsula actually for the geography nitpickers). The island’s attractions are its naturally beautiful beaches. But, due to its popularity, staying near Phuket’s beaches is expensive. On the other hand, Phuket Town, located roughly in the center of the island, is only a bus ride away from the beach and offers great budget deals. Even better, it’s a fully functioning Thai town, complete with roadside stalls selling tasty authentic dishes for one dollar or less. If you don’t mind choosing your meal by pointing at an unknown but enticing dish being consumed by one of the local customers, it’s hard to go wrong by Thailand’s roadside eateries. So far, I’ve yet to be disapointed.

By contrast, the tourist haunts near the beaches were incredibly overpriced, selling Western food or watered-down Thai ‘curries’. And what about the beaches themselves? They were very nice. But after the splendour of Krabi province they failed to astound. Since they were surrounded by resorts and filled with speedo-clad Euros, there wasn’t much to entice us to stay.

So after a day of Phuket, it was time to leave. But not before checking out the nightlife on offer in Patong Bay, the major club and bar destination of the island. After a 25 minute taxi ride from sleepy Phuket Town, Jon and I stepped out of the car and entered a completely different world. A world unecumbered by any normal standards of decency.

Packed with neon lights and pulsing music, Patong Bay was busy with wandering tourists, more often very drunk than not, and go-go girls, prostitutes, ladyboys, and gayboys calling after any and all passing foreigners. Now before coming to Thailand, I knew of course of the sex tourism industy. So I expected to see it. But what I didn’t expect was the sheer scale of it on display in Patong Bay. Bars upon bars of gyrating go-go girls, and on the streets were the more conventional prostitutes. It was endless.

Keep in mind that Phuket is the main tourist destination of Thailand, and that Patong Bay is the main party location for Phuket. Since the average Phuket visitor is a normal person simply looking for beaches and booze, you would think that most of the bars and clubs would be a little more ‘traditional’ in nature. As in, only selling booze and only offering someplace to dance or listen to music. But they’re not, and in every one of them you could buy your companionship for the night. Because of this, the go-go bars and all the rest of it have become a perverse attraction in of itself. Tourist couples, groups of girls, amateur photographers, frat boys, and whoever else you can name come here to drink and party admist the twisted atmosphere of Patong Bay. And I admit, Jon and I included ourselves in this group for one night. But we hated it and didn’t understand the appeal.

Don’t get me wrong, sex tourists still abound in Patong Bay, but almost every person was a normal tourist coming to see what all the fuss was about. And many return night after night to party, making Patong Bay the highlight of their vacation. I don’t understand it myself. Perhaps these people seek the illusion of being privy to a sordid world that usually only a brave or unscrupulous (or both) few witness? A story for friends at home? Maybe it’s the appeal of entering a world that at home would come accompanied with all manners of risks and difficulites, but in Thailand comes as part of a tourist package, promising everything with none of the risk. But as it’s on shameless display for all to see, it’s hard to avoid the fact that you haven’t done anything more notable or special than visiting Phuket’s monkey zoo or any other one of the island’s myriad of attractions. I left with an inescapable sense of how pathetic it all was.

Time to move on. My advice, skip Phuket. It can be nice, but there’s much better places on offer in the country.

Roadside grub! This eatery was mobile, as it was simply a motorcycle and an attached food cart and bbq.